whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
