just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
