Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
