I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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