Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
