Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
too bad you live with your parents still
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
