used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
