If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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