Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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