why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
