If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
