so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
