I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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