He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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