im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
