haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
