did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
