Duck Duck Cougar?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Drake has all the answers
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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