His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
