I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize