and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
