Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
