You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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