This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
