hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
