I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
