WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
