I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
