take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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