discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
