i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
