We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
