This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
