Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
