Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
