at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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