I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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