K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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