$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
