I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
