1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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