I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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