I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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