puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
