I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
