You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
