she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize