I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i believe in u and ur pee
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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