the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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