I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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