I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
