Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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