Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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