Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
