Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
