i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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