we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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