Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
