In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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