How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
