I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
