I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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