I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
