a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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