I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize